Major Life Changes 1 & 2
Goodness gracious me, how I detest thee February! Okay, I admit detest is a strong word. However, it did provide me with the cacophony I was looking for.
All I can is, thank Meryl this is the shortest month of the year. As if waking up to the colour grey every single day is not miserable enough. Throw into the mix a common cold and then a sucker punch with Valentine’s Day! It is no wonder why I find myself eating chocolates under a mountain of Kleenex, crying. What is that? What is that you say? This Monday is “Family Day?” If you need me, I will be under my duvet.
We are turning a corner though folks! I am determined not to look back on the entirety of my thirties and picture an empty bottle of wine. The truth is, between you and me, last month I knew it was time for a change, after I accused a box of rosé of spreading misinformation. The good news is these last few weeks I have gone ahead and made some major life changes. Let me tell you about them.
Major Life Change #1: Just Say No
Nancy Reagan, I am not talking drugs in this case, but rather loneliness. It is curious, I have had several problems in my life (drinking, stalking, carbs) but feeling lonely has not been one of them. As a young ginger, I always managed to keep myself entertained. If a game required more than one player, I simply took out my collection of hats.
This decade has taken its toll! A pandemic aside, I have learned there is nothing worse than having hard-working and ambitious best friends. Before you know it, they have kids, move out of the city, buy a restaurant, and altogether pursue their dreams. Then, suddenly you find yourself alone in your junior one-bedroom apartment with no plans and even less hair. Desperately trying to escape the vacuum of your existence, the only real question you have is: What should I order in tonight, Pad Thai or strange men?
I have had previous experience waging wars against depression and anxiety, but loneliness is an unfamiliar foe. The worst part is that – even when you surround yourself with good friends and dogs, what you think surely should be the cure, you still can’t shake it! I have learned recently, the only way to beat it is to recognize it right off the hop, and just say no.
No Grindr! No Instagram! No Happy Hour at The Keg by myself, even though gosh darnit I love that cheese toast.
“I am determined not to look back on the entirety of my thirties and picture an empty bottle of wine.”
Major Life Change #2: Stop Obsessing over Men across the Back Alley
Ugh! You know this is a hard one for me. Even now, I cannot help but look above my computer screen and right into Pandemic Pete’s apartment. It is not my fault the man has yet to shut his blinds once in four years. Today he is not working remotely, though, so the fluorescent light is off in his kitchen. He should be home by ten after six unless he goes away for the long weekend. Wait, what?
The more serious issue, however, is my new neighbour I call “The Stud.” I first mentioned him a few posts ago and have been trying to ignore him ever since. In his early twenties, he looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model, and drives a jeep with a license plate that says, “T0TAL T0P.” He also always has a can of La Croix in his hand at all times. The worst part is, whenever he gets home, the first thing he does is close all the curtains. From time to time, I find myself casually glancing his way, as a steady stream of muscled men comes and goes through the side door.
I have checked and he does not exist on Grindr, Twitter, Instagram, or Only Fans.
Of course, now that it has been thirty-six hours since I made major life change number two, I am no longer obsessed.
To be continued.
